One Eye Blind

There are days,
my life feels like a suicide in slowmotion.
pointless, heading nowhere but to the certain end
the action inbetween - inconsequential actually.
Its really downhill all the way. Then i know its one of the days.
My left eye is open.

Otherdays inbetween,a spring in my step, a sense of humor,
a purpose to the day, if not life, where my existance matters.
a reson to exist, maybe conjecture, is born in my mind
my world goes around that day, for then i know.
My right eye is open.

The difference between the days,
between my left and right eye - is this.

When my right eye is open - i see all thats right with my world,
and all thats good to notice about this life and the day goes
on with positive energy.

When i have my left eye open - i see the brutal reality.
which is miserable, where i am just figuring out whats left
in this world. How much more of life is left.

my life is like always having one eye blind.
either the left or the right. either black or white.
full gloom or full bright. nothing inbetween.
never a balance between the two. perception of surreality.

sleep is bliss. both my eyes shut - a natural balance.
dreams dont have much of a bearing from what i remember,
but actually feel more interesting than my life is.

maybe a day will arrive where balance prevails with
my eyes open. a distant dream... from where i stand.

Nov '08

Born-Again Loser.

I was a devout loser in the formative years of my life.
Whatever i touched turned to dust.
Nothing went my way and i was immensely faithful
to my loser status. I got used to being one.
Then sometime later during my mid-twenties
i lost my faith in being a loser and started becoming
better at things, started enjoying life even.

I started having fun and life showed a lot of
potential and promise. Now in my thrities I am back,.
To being a loser. I have recovered my lost faith.
The old ways are back. I am back to my miserable self.

The good life was just a passing, delusional phase.
Here I am, The Born-Again Loser.

Nov 08

Napkin...trails

I discovered a lost part of my life
on a paper napkin from the past
a day that now i cannot recollect
but am able to relate with nonetheless

it was during the sunny days of my yonder
that now seem like a frozen dream
will the sun shine again in my life
i wonder and search for a napkin again

Somwhere in my future
this napkin could be the clue
to discover today again
and relive my ...... doubts

Oct '08

As i sit alone on top of a deadwood tree
overlooking the desert horizon
a voice asked me, "what are you doing"

Morisson was singin "youre lost lil girl"
and i just kept my sights on the precipice.
the figure in blue was walking towards the egde

A everytime, just in time, i jus kept shouting
some sort of nonsense and gibberish
she looked back and took a step back
and moved on along the edge

"why arent you running over and helping her
cannot you go and jus catch her and pull her aside
why do you keep shouting nonsense all the time
sitting here on this deadwood tree"

'i am cursed with a twisted tongue u see
its better to act dumb most of the times
only when she is to the edge do i say anything at all,
and even that is to just let her know am around
i will lose sight if i get down on the ground'

'it doesnt help her, cos she is seeking what i cannot see
nor can she, but we agree to disgaree
i wear dark glasses so my view is always gloomy
but if i try n take em of the harsh lights too much to see
it doesnt make it any easy'

"what are you waiting for?"
am waiting for the time when my reach is fine,
so i can pull her to a safe place, all i can do now
is wait n watch and shout out once a while

Oct '08