Stunted Growth…

Deep in the attics of my mind, hides a child from the old times

Holds onto forgotten past, refusing to step into today’s cast

For, child is the father of man, I do all that I can

To let him have his way, but he tends to leads me astray

What he wants unclear, his demands throw me off gear

Refusing his advances, I take my chances

He returns in kind, confuses my mind

His tantrums terrible, making me miserable

Altered conditions of existence, for minutes of sanity

I would let him be, If he could just hold his peace

So I could hold my own, without a frown or a moan

For rest see me behave, like an odd child once in a way

Psychoso(auto)matic

I seek within, bringing out the pain

Only to consume it yet again

Wallow in the darkest shades of grey

Dank cold making me shiver n pray

It stinks, the smell of my own misery

I can’t get enough, not enough for me

And all the blood that’s draining

Numbing, my senses not prevailing

A slight smirk at myself, when I see

A pity of a man formed from bile of a sea

No pain no more, I am feeling a naught

Will I ever stop, and regain some thought

It cannot go on; even the deep has an end

So I was told, but I don’t want to pretend

In a downward spiral, I shall wake wailing

At the edge of the void and return to the living

And when I wonder, what came over me

Can claim my defense! A plea of insanity.

Chameleon Thoughts

Oh the life so brittle, the mind so fickle
Desperate leaps of faith to live a life in denial

Ups and downs, hyperboles n troughs
The wayward wind blows me around

The hands of time creep up in the dark
Chameleon thoughts camouflaging the night

Will they ever seize these voids in me
Or suck me down to the depth of debris

Forsaken thoughts and misshapen deeds
Wanton and volatile the life that I lead

To find a time n day that is my destiny
Will this farce end, lead me to my final peace.

A voice…

Wish I had a voice
Calling out my name

With playful refrain
That I could chide n feign

Ask me how n why
So I could give it a try

Tell me how it feels
So I could feel it too

Speak its heart out
So I could feel alive

For in a senseless shield
I have lost all I held onto

What was once close to me
Now a vision on the horizon

Alas the question remains
Before I breathe my last… Will I ever hear my name?

Death becomes me

I woke up screaming.
Was dead by then.
Up in time to see myself dissolve.
My body passive and still

Like the dreams I had
of the dead waking up.
breaking this loop
of dreams that were real
only to find my life already dead.

Not a thing to do now
but roam a free spirit.
The spirit not alive
for it's already spent

It’s all surreal…
Be alive and dreaming
Or dead and still feeling

So confusing,
quirks of being alive and dead.
Just a dream either-ways,
surreal and so much real.

Stranger self

Don’t trust me
I am a stranger to my own self

Known you long
But is it long enough, to reach out in faith

What makes you feel
When I know not me, that you see me

Blind that I am
To pain that’s around, numb to the bone

Go far, stay near, little do I care
For, I am searching and seeking…….. Seeking my Self

…..

Hopeless thoughts

Hoping against hope

Flickers in the dark

Mirages in the void

Lapses of reason

Last but a second

In the face of eternity

Wishing a way out… a way out of reality