Despicable... living to be truly hated

The icy calm stare is all it took
And the silence that put me out of conversation
The buzz is all around but words dont seem to come out of me...
I know, I am not wanted here - but it just seems like
I am not wated at all

Because I know I will be ignored. No one wants to listen to me.
Am amongst a crowd - but feel fuckin all alone
A state in which i am ready to clutch at straws and
even talk to scarecrows to feel any better.

The worst is...
I cannot show any pain at being wronged, because somewhere deep inside
I know I deserve the treatment meted out.
And then it dawns - what goes out comes back
- we shall reap as we have sown.

If its hurting now - its only because i meted out this pain not so long ago.
And in this pain and hurt is that glimpse of hope that in the near future,
when the storm blows out and peace reigns... I can look back and think
of having lived life... despicable

Dec 17 th 2006